Back to the future...

MEDIA OF THE MOMENT
The Tonight Show

SEASON 5 DEATH TOLL
54 CONFIRMED DEAD THROUGH 10 HOURS

So I've really started going at it on MySpace, trying to find peeps from the past, maybe even a celeb or two.  Only on MySpace can you call Miss November 2004 and a large, bad-ass Samoan wrestler "friends."

But I have, indeed, found people I have met, people who have actually put aggresive headlocks on me, people whose breasts I have touched.  Some are from the country of Texas.  Others hail from the land of Jack and in-Diane-ah.

And then there are some from high school...the third one...the English (not retarded) one.  I have my yearbook here, for which I was a "team leader"...biatch.  So I'm browsing the pictures looking for a few good Lancers I haven't seen or talked to in ages, and I end up reading each and every autograph I had received.  That, to me, was the greatest part of getting the book...seeing how many sigs you could get.  Now, the fun part is looking back at what people wrote about me.

They wrote the following:

"Okay, so yeah, seeing you PANTSLESS in the Hague was great!  Not really."
-My still-good buddy, Emily.  During the Model United Nations conference in the Netherlands, the then-innocent Em was trying to get some shuteye in her hotel room when a then-and-still-innocent me got in and took my pants off.  She screamed (again, she was then-innocent), which sent me scurrying, mainly because there was a strict curfew, and I would have been in big trouble.  Of course, my awesome roommates at MUN locked me out of my room.  I believe I was still lacking secured pants in the hallway.  Good times.

"You're a strange and intense little man.  I fully expect you to be the next Rupert Murdoch."
-Fellow senior, Melissa.  A) Some things don't change.  B) G'day.

"I'll give you an excellent piece of advice: to avoid horrible parental confrontations, don't keep condoms, lube and pregnancy tests in your gym bag."
-French classmate, Rhea.  I had completely forgotten this whole drama.  So for my birthday, Rhea (who I later learned had a crush on me, making this whole thing almost make some sense) got me the afore-mentioned items.  I put them in some empty Tupperware (can't remember why I had it...taking baked good to school?), then put the Tupperware in my soccer bag.  So I go home, drop my bag off in my room, and head out for the evening with friends.  I come home to some angry parents.  Turns out Mom wanted her Tupperware back.  She found more than Tupperware.  I had to get THE TALK.  Oh the horror.

"After that, I have to apologize because maybe I led you on, and if I did, I am sorry, but we will move past that saga and on to now."
-The girl I had a crush on all senior year.  When she said she'd move on to now, she apparently meant that she'd become a lesbian.  I am serious.

"Have fun in college and have a fun summer!  Oh, and PANCAKES!!"
-My good friend, James.  I was very lucky to have a "crew" really for the first time in my life when I was a senior.  So a few of us thought it would be funny if we had a "word of the day," one which we would scream across our campus as we walked around.  Looking back, it was so idiotic (therefore, it was so "me").  At any rate, the word of the day somehow was typically a breakfast food.  One glorious day, James, myself, and a few others were yelling that day's word, which was "waffles."  In one of my favorite life moments, about two hours after our screaming of the word, I was walking up to the second floor of our main building when I overheard two freshman conversing.  One asked the other, "Did you hear the word of the day is 'waffles?'"  My life began again that day.

"Hey sweetie!"
-Three girls, including the gorgeous Michelle and Brooke.  And by gorgeous, I mean smokin' hot.  I would give a lot to see them in the flesh, mainly because they were sweeties, too...and smokin' hot.

"Hey cutie!"
"Hey sexy."
-A couple high school hotties, Blake and Jennifer.  Liars.

"PS: get a woman!"
-Our soccer team's goalie, Cody.  Ugh.

How simple did life used to be?

Looking up, up, up...

MEDIA OF THE MOMENT
Fresh Prince of Bel Air

For the first time in a while, there are things I'm looking forward to.  And no, I don't mean Saturday and Sunday...well, really just one of those two per week...damn sweeps.  Here's a snapshot at the upcoming (hopeful) schedule:

• February 25 -- anchoring for the last scheduled time in a while
• February 28 -- the last "From the Corps" this time around airs, thus lifting a mighty weight off my shoulders, though I'm once again happy with how this set have turned out
• March 12-18 -- trip "home" to Alabama to spend a week with the 'rents, hang with one of my England high school mates, and maybe, just maybe, chill with some of the B-Town Crew-turned-ATL-2.
• March 25 -- helping build a Habitat house, then going to a co-worker's wedding...got a model as my date (calm down...it's a former coworker...she won't touch me...sadly...though it is a she...this is a plus)
• April 1-3 -- trip to Lufkin to visit my main (weather) man, CT
• April 8-10 -- trip to Corpus Christi to visit my buddy, K
• April 15-16 -- trip to Austin to visit R (continuing with the initial theme)
• May 26-28 -- trip to Indiana for C & K's wedding

If you are a stalker, know that there is a very good possibility that the above was just a set-up to send you on a wild goose chase.

So Mike Davis will be gone come March.  I don't know that the announcement of his end-of-season resignation during this campaign necessarily helped anything, though.  Sure, it may lift the cloud of suspicion from the program, but it does do some damage in my mind.  First, it does produce an air of resignation for this season as well.  It feels like we're resigned to losing.  But then again, it's felt like that for the last eight games or so.  Secondly, it's produced rampant speculation about the man everyone wants, Steve Alford.  With all the questions being hurled at him so far, and with more still to come for the next month-and-a-half, my biggest fear is that the damn media will sour the sweetest offer Alford's ever dreamed of.  Here's hoping it all turns out.  Hope is what IU fans need.

So the biggest stories for the United States this Olympics have been an inept hockey team, an injury to the greatest figure skater never to win gold, a pair of speed skaters bickering, Mr. Soul-Patch falling short on the short track, and a showboating snowboarding Leon Lett-wannabe.  God Bless America.  And we wonder why the world laughs at us sometimes.

The NBA All-Star Game was tonight, and I couldn't give a rat's toosh that I missed it.

Call me crazy, but Barry Bonds might just pass Ruth and Aaron in his last season.  Fifty homers for a 40-something 'roid-rager?

And here I thought I didn't have time to think about sports anymore.

SEASON 5 DEATH TOLL
39-49 DEAD THROUGH 8 HOURS
(hopefully there is further clarification on the 10-20 people killed during this last hour)

Here's a few messages for some peeps back in my old stomping grounds:

IU Basketball Fans: Grow up.  Are you upset with the way the team has played over the past two-and-a-half seasons?  Yes, and so am I.  I think everytime I've been able to see the team this year, we've lost.  That grinds my gears a bit.  Does logging on to a Fire Mike Davis website help the situation more than it hurts it?  Absolutely not.  I think the athletic department has a clue when the team hasn't made the field of 65 in two years that there's a problem.  Wearing black to Assembly Hall?  That's pathetic.  When you don the cream and crimson, you do it to support the whole team, the players on the court, and the university.  Wearing black denegrates our institution, one that I'm very proud of whether our basketball team is successful or not.  Here's another thing to note: Bob Knight is never coming back.  There will never be another Bob Knight, just like there will never be another John Wooden or Dean Smith.  And finally, youth and two injuries to DJ White have more to do with this team not living up to its hype than Mike Davis.  If you're going to wear black, wear an armband that we lost out on a twin tower combination that would decimate any front line in the conference or the nation.

Mike Davis: Grow up.  If you think Indiana University "deserves" someone else as head coach, leave.  When a few ill-advised fans are calling for your ouster, the last thing you should do is give in to them.  You say you're going to fight through it, but you say we deserve a homegrown coach?  Here's a clue: Bob Knight went to Ohio State and coached Army before he took to the IU sidelines.  In two seasons with a number of players you had a big hand in recruiting, and with an entire roster that said they'd walk if you weren't named coach to follow Knight, you took the team to a sixth national championship game.  Unless this is the 1970s and it's UCLA, you're not going to make it to the title game every year.  Pick your sorry self up and rebound.  When you boo-hooed over the Kentucky game, we all thought it was an isolated sign of weakness.  Now, what in the bluegrass hell are your players supposed to think?  You gave in to the pressure.  You gave in to some loud-mouth, passionate fans.  Go back to Alabama or the NBA.  It doesn't matter.  You don't gots to go home, but you gots to get the heck up outta IU.  Laters.

Steve Alford: Please return some class to our program.

Here were your assignments, and how they have been completed so far:

CALL ME SOMETIME
Now I know I only posted this very early Sunday morning, but only Rob completed said task.  Peeps, I know I ain't the best at calling, but I am decent at receiving.  (I really hope that statement cannot be misconstrued in a sexual manner)

WATCH 24
I can only assume that you all did.  If you did not, it's your loss.  Speaking of losses...

SEASON 5 DEATH TOLL
27 DEAD THROUGH 7 HOURS

QUESTION MY MENTAL STABILITY (see: Steve dances with the Harlem Globetrotters)
This appeared to occur with a pair of readers (Aubs and Cordogg), though the reaction was quite prevalent in this neck of the woods.  A police officer commented to me that I would make a good cop.  The same sentiment came from my buddy, Krystle, but it was the comment from the authorities that concerned me.  As I told K, I now have a theory on why the crime rate in that particular city is up a bit.  Apparently, the police are dancing far too much.  Also, if dancing ability (which I really do lack) qualifies one to wear a badge and carry a gun, please, please, please change the laws before K-Fed and Britney get any ideas.

WATCH FROM THE CORPS WEDNESDAY MORNING...TRY TO WIN A DRINK
As I write this word right here, it is 12:02am Wednesday, making it Wednesday morning.  You are now asked to watch From the Corps.  If you can correctly identify the three songs I used in the latest story (which you can find at the top of the list here), I will buy you a drink at our next meeting.  I should note, I technically used four songs for this story.  The opening shot is of the featured cadet with a bit of a sound effect going behind him.  That is from a song by the band Revis.  The song that hits about eight seconds into the story is the first song you're asked to ID.  Here's a handier guide:

• SONG 1 -- segment about his career aspirations
• SONG 2 -- segment about him in his role with the organization AND a football game
• SONG 3 -- segment where he talks about what the Corps means to him

ID these three, and win a drink.

TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHO I FLIRT WITH
This is when I've had too much to drink, as rare as that is (and was...and always will be).  In fact, I'll up the ante on this question.  I now offer a SECOND drink to the person who can ID this female.  Please only use a FIRST name so as not to incriminate someone on this web that goes worldwide.

KEEP ME FROM KILLING
E! continues to air that horrific Grammy Red Carpet commercial, so obviously a phone campaign to that channel's head office did not happen.  Well, at least there will be some news around here tomorrow.  Arrange your conjugal visits now.

EDIT: For those who read this Sunday, you might want to scroll through it again.  I've decided to make even more of a fool of myself after all.

53 hours and counting...

MEDIA OF THE MOMENT
The Soup

I have a cell phone.  Sometimes, I don't use it.  Many times, it doesn't ring.  That is all.

Well, it's not all.

SEASON 5 DEATH TOLL
23 DEAD THROUGH 6 HOURS

BTW, I concur with Robert...this may be the best season yet.

But wait, there's more.

I got to interview some Harlem Globetrotters.  Then, I got to watch three quarters of their game.  What you will see on the videos at this link?

• My interview with three Trotters.
• Highlights from their very entertaining game.
• Me dancing on the court at the end of the third quarter wearing a leather hat, large sunglasses and leather gloves, helping lead thousands in singing, "YMCA."

CNN/USA Today/Gallup Poll:  For those of you who knew me pre-Texas, who ever thought the above occurrence was a realistic possibility to happen to me, or that I would volunteer for such an occurrence?

From the Corps begins again this Tuesday.  Video will be on the web shortly after each story airs.  There are three songs that I used for background music in this first story.  I will buy a drink for the person who can identify said songs.

(offer not valid for people under 21 or my main [camera] man Cory, who already knows the answer, and who I probably owe a drink or two anyway)

BTW, the "53 hours..." reference was the hours I put in at work this past week.  The "...and counting" reference was to the many, many more hours I'll work the rest of this month.  Yay, money!

A cryptic thought: I very rarely get drunk, but when I do, I flirt...with one person that I know...for some reason I don't know.

If I see the E! commercial with their female anchor, Giuliana, singing one more time, I will kill someone...possibly Seacrest...just so he doesn't have to deal with that $#!+.

OK, so I just wrote the above paragraph, and that commercial came on.

I'll be back with a new post in a month.  Your assignments while I'm gone:

1. Call me sometime
2. Watch 24
3. Watch me with the Harlem Globetrotters...question my mental stability (see: YMCA)
4. Watch From the Corps Wednesday morning...try to win a drink
5. Try to figure out who I flirt with (again, Cameraman Cory's ineligible)
6. Keep me from killing...write E! and tell them to stop that damn commercial